D.N.C. = Do Not Count

Get ready for the most implausible argument in election history: Hillary Clinton wants her votes to count in Michican’t(vote) and Florida.

I swear in the D.N.C. stusses out and hands over the Florida and Michigan to Hillary, despite being the only one to campaign in Florida and being the only real candidate on the ballot in Michigan, it would be the biggest joke since Hillary gave her victory speech for Michigan. “This campaign is on the right track. I beat a robotic Chris Dodd and the Not Hillary ticket by six points. Watch out Super Tuesday, here I come!”

What the frick-frack is this? The D.N.C. is going to tell my two least favorite states that they have no vote and then Indian give them back. Because the mean old lady said so. This is horses—. Don’t blame the D.N.C.; Michiganders should point fingers at their farking state legislatures for their meaningless primary. They knew the rules before they broke them, but they went ahead and pushed their primaries ahead because they wanted to make some money off the primary. Now, Pennsylvania is the new Iowa. It’s a great economic boost a state like Michigan could have used. Now? Not so much.

In other news, Ron Paul is coming to Towson, Md.. All four Paultards out there not already consumed by zombies get excited. For protection against the Ron Paul zombies, I’m bringing a machete (and a camera).

Courtesy of the Las Vegas Sun, the longest newspaper correction of all-time. Somebody has got to be fired for this.