Jon Stewart referenced Wilkes-Barre in yesterday’s episode of the Daily Show, regarding what the media would have been focused on if it hadn’t been for America’s favorite governor.

Did Jon Stewart mention America’s most lovable city because of Chelsea Clinton’s speech at Wilkes today or because he has an affinity for it after touring here several years ago? I’m gonna go with the latter.

Here’s Spitzer’s prostitute’s MySpace. Crappy music. Whether she sticks to a career in music or the flesh trade, you can be sure to bet that business is going to be having an unexpected booming.

John McCain has a great video on his Web site. As much as I enjoyed Obama’s song, this one tops it. Well done.

This is an interview of Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg at the South by Southwest Tech Conference in Texas. The interviewer, Businessweek columnist Sarah Lacy, interupts her interviewee, asks leading questions and makes up a story that isn’t entirely true. Then the audience begins to heckle her for the next five minutes.

When interviewed by the Austin American-Statesman after the explosion, Lacy blames the audience, not her inept journalism.

Merry LOST CHRISTMAS everyone. I thought “The Other Woman” was great. We learned a ton and there was plenty of action.

Things I liked about this episode:

1. The return of the whispers. I liked how it debunked the terrible theory of the whispers being from someone other than the Others.
2. The cat fight between Harper and Juliette.
3. We see a side from Benjamin that we hadn’t seen before — flirtacious and jealousy.
4. The ongoing power struggle between John and Ben.
5. Only women who conceive on the Island are prone to it. That clears the pregnancy question of whether the women are infected if they have sex on the Island or if they give birth on the Island.
6. This is the most assertive Claire has been ever during LOST.
7. My Widmore theory is correct. I don’t want to brag, but this is the first major theory I’ve called.
8. The fight between Juliette and Charlotte = hott.
9. Juliette looks great in a bikini.
10. “See you guys at dinner”

Questions:
1. Why does Juliette have so much makeup for her session? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear it beforehand.
2. Are the Others plotting anything against Ben?
3. If Dan and Charlotte were just going to render the gas inert, why would they need the gas masks? In case he failed?
4. How did Benjamin Linus find out and how did he inform them? I think Jacob told Benjamin but how did Benjamin tell Harper if he was trapped in John Locke’s basement?
5. Where did Goodwin’s burns come from?
6. Is there anything else in Juliette’s file besides her affair with Goodwin that she wouldn’t want Jack to see?
7. Didn’t Mr. Smiley once tell Jack that Juliette and Ben had “history”? Did Juliette cheat on Benjamin with Goodwin?
8. How does Ben know about Widmore?
9. Does Penny know of her father’s intentions?
10. Is Benjamin making up the Ana Lucia story to trick Juliette? I think so.
11. Are Benjamin and Locke working towards a common good or is this all part of another one of Linus’ manipulations?
12. Was Benjamin also pissed at Ethan too?

Theories:

1. Harper was relaying her sessions with Juliette to Ben. How conniving of him.
2. Ben’s intentions were that Juliette was going to stay on the Island for a long time. Why else would he give her a house with two bedrooms and two bathrooms?
3. Jacob informed Benjamin of Charlotte and Daniel’s mission.
4. Goodwin’s burn came from mixing chemicals to create poisonous gasses.
5. I agree with Juliette that Ben intentionally sent Goodwin, knowing that there was a good chance he’d be killed.
6. Widmore wants to turn the Island into a vacation destination and make huge profits off it. Ben’s intentions are to protect the Island’s sanctity.
7. I think this one is obvious, but Widmore somehow found out about the Island via the notebook from the only remaining survivor of the Black Rock. There must have been directions on how to get to the Island. But how did Widmore first learn about the Island? I also think that the Widmore Corporation’s pregnancy tests (the brand on the one that sun uses) could play a part in it.
8. In an earlier flashback when Charles Widmore offers a job to Desmond, I think that Widmore was planning on sending Desmond on the freighter to the Island. But it wasn’t Desmond’s destiny to do so, so that’s sorta obsolete.
9. Who does Juliette remind Ben of? I’m pretty certain that’s it’s going to be Annie, the young girl whom Ben befriended when he first moved to the Island in “The Man Behind the Curtain.” The only problem with that is Annie had freckles, Juliette does not. Perhaps Juliette’s personality resembles Annie’s.

Other Widmore occurences on LOST:

• pregnancy tests Kate, Sun and Rachel use
• on Henry Gale’s hot air ballon
• on a billboard in Fire + Water

Get ready for the most implausible argument in election history: Hillary Clinton wants her votes to count in Michican’t(vote) and Florida.

I swear in the D.N.C. stusses out and hands over the Florida and Michigan to Hillary, despite being the only one to campaign in Florida and being the only real candidate on the ballot in Michigan, it would be the biggest joke since Hillary gave her victory speech for Michigan. “This campaign is on the right track. I beat a robotic Chris Dodd and the Not Hillary ticket by six points. Watch out Super Tuesday, here I come!”

What the frick-frack is this? The D.N.C. is going to tell my two least favorite states that they have no vote and then Indian give them back. Because the mean old lady said so. This is horses—. Don’t blame the D.N.C.; Michiganders should point fingers at their farking state legislatures for their meaningless primary. They knew the rules before they broke them, but they went ahead and pushed their primaries ahead because they wanted to make some money off the primary. Now, Pennsylvania is the new Iowa. It’s a great economic boost a state like Michigan could have used. Now? Not so much.

In other news, Ron Paul is coming to Towson, Md.. All four Paultards out there not already consumed by zombies get excited. For protection against the Ron Paul zombies, I’m bringing a machete (and a camera).

Courtesy of the Las Vegas Sun, the longest newspaper correction of all-time. Somebody has got to be fired for this.

I’ve been a little busy lately. Between learning the ins and outs of lacrosse, LOST and a stint in North Carolina, I haven’t had much time to blog. (Actually, I’ve been wasting my time wasting money.)

As previously mentioned before, I’m trying to learn the game of lacrosse for work. This is what I’ve learned:

Lacrosse is more boring than cricket.

For some God-forsaken reason, Marylanders eat up this sport. I can’t understand why. Maybe because Baltimoreans are soft, complain about 40-degree weather in February and cancel collegiate classes for “inclement weather” when there’s a slight less-than-an-inch dusting on the ground. (Side-rant: I’m sick of people using the word “inclement” to describe the weather. Inclement is defined as “severe in temper or action” and “unmerciful.” A light snow is not inclement. I don’t want to sound like the oldest 22-year-old on the planet, but my alma mater has canceled classes once since the late 1970s. As much as I love having the day off, if teachers can’t take driving in flurries, they should just shut down the Baltimore County Public School System as we speak. Hacks.) Obviously, Marylanders couldn’t stand bearing the cold temperatures of hockey arenas or the tremendous amount of violence it entails so it would seem nature they would flock to the dumbed-down version of the sport — lacrosse.

If you have never met a lacrosse fan or attended a lacrosse event, you’re missing out. These people are nuts! Of the 378 people who attended the d3 men’s lacrosse game, I can guarantee you that at least 70 percent of them brought their own foolish-looking lacrosse sticks. As if the coach is going to need to substitute a 48-year-old postal worker to fill in goal. Or one of the metal balls is going to fly into the grandstands and a stick is the only form of prevention of head injuries to the crowd. In baseball, it is unacceptable for fans no longer eligible for Little League to bring mitts to the game. It helps us distinguish the tools from the real fans. In lacrosse, it’s welcomed.

Oh, but it’s not lacrosse, man. If you’re in the know, you know it’s called lax. No, not the L.A. airport. Apparently adding an X to it makes it seem more extreme and less French. Substituting an X still doesn’t changing it from being lame.

But the game itself? Terribly boring. There’s all kinds of rules that are nonsensical. Penalty box without a box? Say what. Improper stick violations? Are they putting razor blades on the ends to slice opponents? This is ridiculous. The stats are completely ludicrous. You’d swear these fools would go Alexander Hamilton all over someone’s ass for more groundballs. They get a stat for picking up a ball. Why don’t we give stats for number of successful steps while we’re at it?

But the women’s game is worse. There’s no contact. The stats and the game itself is completely changed. Basically it’s the Arena Football version of real lacrosse: more scoring, uninterpretable rules, a giant net in the back and funny uniforms. Instead a jump ball or a faceoff, it has something called a draw control. I don’t know what that means but it involves putting the ball between two people and flipping it up in the air. Then it’s like watching raccoons fight over the last piece of three-day-old KFC chicken. I don’t know what that means either but, at least, it sounds cool.

Laxers are the most vile of creatures. If you don’t play the game, know the game and dream the game, you’re nothing, which is reminiscent to Maryland’s state motto, if I remember correctly. You don’t know that Johns Hopkins is unstoppable? You predicted UVA to beat Syracuse? “OMFG WHAT A N00b.” Listen, lacrosse isn’t a real sport. It’s a glorified attempt at making field hockey cool. Luckily, N.E.P.A. is too badass to fall for those tricks. We’ll stick to things that matter. I’d rather play hopscotch.

What can I do? I’m on my grind. I’m going to have so much money, my kids are going to play lacrosse. Lacrosse, blogosphere. Lacrosse.

Good stuff:

This stupid thing that only I find funny.

N.P.R. wants to know whom you are voting for and what you are listening to. Unfortunately, everyone who has ever listened to N.P.R. has voted for Michael Dukakis.

BARACK OBAMA IS YOUR NEW BICYCLE. All your base are belong to us!

Deadspin goes on this nice little rant about E.S.P.N.:

Sports fans like this? Really?

No, no they don’t. When you consider that “Greatest Highlight” has been on every “SportsCenter” for a month, it would be a rather resounding failure for it not to show up somewhere. In our view, this is the same reason “Who’s Now?” was the top searched term of 2007. We’ve discussed this before, but it warrants repeating:

ESPN is a corporation. As a corporation, their goal is to grow and make money. There is no crime in this; this is not an art project. But as most sports fans can tell you, even those of us who grow exhausted of the “Greatest Highlight” and “Who’s Now” antics watch ESPN all the time. There is no viable competitor; if you’re a sports fan who doesn’t watch ESPN, you’re really not much of a sports fan.

ESPN knows this. They know they have you; you aren’t going anywhere. Because of this, they do not need to cater to you. To grow, they must bring in new viewers, people who are more casual sports fans, people who are more drawn in by the shiny objects of “controversy” and Dick Vitale. They’re the ones who might think, hey … I AM curious about how the world of sports intersects with the world of Hollywood! They are the new viewers; they are the people who discovered Nirvana way too late and ruined everything. (Note: We are one of these people, at least when it comes to Nirvana.) They are exactly the type of people who keep Chris Berman in our faces every night. And they’re exactly the type of people who love the “Greatest Highlight;” people who, really, don’t actually like sports that much.

So that’s why, in our humble opinion, “Greatest Highlight” is the most searched term on ESPN.com. That, or the world is fucking collapsing all around us. Could be that.

Home Run Derby reports that the Rays are giving away cowbells this season. More cowbell!

Sean Salisbury = Canned.

And lastly….

Stuff white people like (best site currently on the web, other than my craplog.)

P.S. I’m writing a screenplay. I don’t expect anything to come of it. I just want to prove that I can write a better script than those no-talent assclowns who wrote “Rocky Balboa”

In response to this, I wrote a letter to the editor under a pseudonym. Because I don’t want any backlash from my employer via someone Googling his or her way here, I’m editing every mention of the actual school name.

To be honest, I had to do a double take.

After glancing over the “SGA moves to explore replacing G#$@#!’s mascot” (Feb. 15, 2008) article, I thought I accidentally picked up The Onion. The spoof, despite being amusing, was to the contrary. If only the popular parody newspaper was displayed on P—-stone’s newspaper racks rather than The Q@#!#(@@!, I might not feel as disillusioned.

But then I remembered this is G#$@#! College, where logic and reason go to die. No, this is no joke; G#$@#!’s Student Government Association has not only decided to give any half-witted plebeian the right to introduce legislation, but to also haplessly look into the possibility of changing the mascot from our beloved gopher to its ugly, red-headed step-cousin twice-removed – the groundhog. Bureaucracy, even on the collegiate level, reigns supreme once again. (Everybody panic.)

I find it to be hilarious that the rationale behind the proposed mascot change isn’t that Mortimer the G#$@#! is feeble in comparison to the mighty Eagles, of Juanita College, or the hard-fought Crusaders, of Susquehanna University; rather it’s a supposed advancement of the college’s endeavors toward environmental sustainability. (Divertingly, I also find the so-called environmental sustainability goals to be hypocritical in behalf of both the college and students; whereas I hear little uproar from anyone about the shortage of trashcans in residence halls, lack of plastic and glass recycling or the disappearance of deer from the woods.)

Would someone tell me how this happened? G#$@#! used to be a prestigious school that was repeatedly lauded by the New York Times in the 1980s before going co-ed. Now, it boasts an illuminated, beatnik student population with a dismal retention rate and a governing body whose No. 1 concern is making sure that Marylanders know it’s Punxsutawney Phil who is dancing his way all over the Baltimore Municipal Golf Course, not Winnie the Pooh’s whistling cohort. In next week’s agenda, SGA will remind us that we’ve been wrong in calling our school colors ‘blue and yellow’ and that we must be steadfast in rooting for the ‘cornflower and cadmium lemon.’

Have some pity for poor Mortimer. I’m sure he and the rest of the gophers had no choice to evacuate the Towson area. It is clear that the indigenous, Division I tiger species clearly outnumbered the gophers by a rate of 19-to-1 in this town, taking away all available parking spaces, cost-efficient apartments and barstools. Sure, the gophers can easily be replaced by the brutish groundhogs but, in all reality, it does not stance a chance of competing in this Darwinesque habitat with the tigers of Towson. How’s that for environmental sustainability?

Other than being a commonality that students can associate themselves with, the primary reason for collegiate nicknames derives from athletics. Now, with participation already at an embarrassing rate – women’s soccer finished with nine players; women’s basketball boasts eight Gophers; women’s lacrosse’s roster consists of 13 laxers – how difficult is it going to be to recruit athletes to a school which had to change its mascot because it wasn’t “eco-friendly.” Our reputation for being a non-athletic, artsy college would be pushed up to the nth degree. For all the fuss made about environmental awareness, you’d think our nickname would be the Hummers, Cyanide Fishers, or the ever-popular G#$@#! College Acid Mine Drainage.

While we’re on the topic of changing our nickname, why don’t we go the next level? Although they are native to the Old Line State, groundhogs benefit from deforestation. Environmental-friendly G#$@#! College presumably would be against the cutting down of Baltimore County’s woodsland that makes way for the ticky-tacky suburban sprawlers, which inevitably lures more groundhogs into our area. Therefore, groundhogs are obtrusive, and we must find a nickname that better suits the college. I suggest the following eco-friendly names: Veggies, Priuses, Greenpeace or the G#$@#! College Al Gores.

Like “Groundhog Day,” this kind of thing seems to be an everyday occurrence. I don’t need to see my shadow to know that Jared M89#&#!s’ resolution is another waste of time and a complete non-issue. SGA’s affirmation and the subsequent exploratory committee are even more of an embarrassment to itself and the school.

While it may not be The Onion, the issue at hand is laughable. Perhaps last issue’s story may be better suited for another publication – Sports Illustrated’s “This Week’s Sign of Apocalypse.”

Season 4, Episode 3 “The Economist” was another great episode of LOST. I think that I need to watch it one more time to fully understand what was going. If you had told me that Sayid was going to be working as a hitman for Benjamin Linus before this episode, I thought you would have been crazy. Here’s some thoughts on tonight’s episode:

Things I liked about this episode:
1. Sayid’s a badass.
2. Sayid becomes a con man, similar to how Sawyer and Locke’s father were.
3. Manipulation once again is a motif. Sayid manipulates Isla and vice versa. Ben tried to manipulate Sayid. Sayid manipulates Kate and Jack (he is weary of the freighters.) Hurley tricks Kate, Sayid and Miles.
4. From a cinematopraphy point of view, the shot of Sayid on the copter is great.
5. Ben’s passport has the name of the protagonist in “On the Road.”

Questions:
1. Who is Ilsa’s boss?
2. Do the freighters plan on killing Desmond? (Cross apply last week’s theory that the freighters work for DHARMA Initiative which is a subsidiary of Mr. Widmore, who wants Desmond away from Penelope.)
3. Why is there such animosity between the freighters? Miles seems to hate everyone. The pilot doesn’t seem to get along with Daniel either. Then when Frank gets on the phone with Regina, he tells her to hang up if George Minkowski arrives. This is strange since Minkowski was the one who was on the phone with Jack before. This seems strange. Perhaps they have their own personal agendas which seems very likely.
4. Where are the Others?
5. If that’s Ben’s home, why does he have a secret room behind the shelf?
6. What was Daniel’s experiment about?
7. The cabin?

Theories:

1. My first theory is that the Freighters, who I think work for DHARMA Initiative and Hume, end up coming and taking/killing the Others. Benjamin is spared, as he always is, and he is trying to seek revenge via Sayid. This would make sense that Sayid is in Berlin because, according to the LOST Experience, a base of the Hanso Foundation for electromagnetic compatibility testing is in nearby Bad Salzdetfurth, Germany. Plus, most of the Hanso Foundation is centered in Western Europe — in Switzerland (where Ben’s passport was from), Denmark, Iceland and Luxembourg. However, I doubt that Ben would have Sayid be used as a pure assassin. I think he has Sayid on board as an interrogator. In both instances we saw, the person who he may have been trying to get information on caught on to Sayid’s game, so Sayid had to kill them.

2. My second theory is that the reason that Locke let Sayid take Charlotte was because Locke wants Sayid on that freighter so Sayid can find out what’s going on. I think Locke and Sayid are working together on this plan and have been since their rendezvous with Hurley in the first episode of season four.

3. My third theory is that this episode has something to do with Oceanic Airlines. Notice how Berlin is on this real-life Oceanic billboard.

“Confirmed Dead” was a glorious episode. It just an atypical episode in that they had to introduce four new characters at once, meaning that the flashbacks never really drew you in. I liked how as each flashback was shown we learned a little more about who they were. If they hadn’t done it that way, we would have had more questions and we wouldn’t understand certain aspects of the episode — like how Miles figured out what had happened to Naomi. It was beautifully finished when Ben lists who they are and says what they are here for. It also serves as a great segue into the next episode.

In many aspects, it reminds me of Episode 3.1 “A Tale of Two Cities.” Both great episodes. Basically, this episode was more about discovery than actual action. It’s difficult to do both in a 42-minute spot.

Some quick things I like about this episode:
1. Everyone is catching onto Ben’s ways of manipulation.
2. Continuation of the saga between Ben and Locke.
3. How each flashback essentially started at the same time.
4. We learn (kinda) what the black guy does?

Questions:
1. When did they discover the plane in the water? (I’m sure this can be answered by looking at the Tunisian newspaper).
2. What exactly is this project? (Or who do the Landies work for? Mr. Widmore? Hanso Foundation?)
3. How did Ben get one of them?
4. What are the rest of The Others doing right now?

Theories:
1. Well, it’s not much of a theory but I think that the Landies were planning on gassing The Others similiar to how Benjamin Linus and the Insurgents gassed the Dharma Initiative. Basically, my theory is that the Insurgents didn’t kill all of the Dharma Initiative and took one as prisoner. (Thus meaning that the Landies are part of the Dharma Initiative, which isn’t much of a stretch since the Dharma Initiative would conceivably be interested in Parapsychology — extra-sensory perception and the afterlife. Also, it makes sense because Charlotte found the polar bear and sneared when she saw the Dharma logo around the bear’s neck.) The other possibility is that there were Dharma Initiative members that weren’t on the Island, which makes sense, because we saw the Portuguese eskimoes in “Live Together, Die Alone”. These guys came back, one was captured and the rest of the Dharma Initiative is trying to do to Benjamin Linus what he did to them. It would be poetic justice, in a sense. After The Others captured this person, they shut off communication to the Island so the Dharma Initiative could not find them. The only problem with this is that Penny, who likely is involved with the Dharma Initiative, doesn’t know who Naomi is. She may just not have known Naomi because Naomi isn’t high up on the totem pole, so to speak. (She reports to Matthew Abbadon.)

2. (Courtesy of Mark) The Landies were originally sent by Mr. Widmore (Penny’s father) to kill Desmond and capture Ben. This was supported by the fact that, according to the LOST online game, Mr. Widmore is associated with the Hanso Foundation who runs the Dharma Initiative. Widmore wants Desmond dead because he doesn’t want him to marry his daughter. The reason Naomi had the photo was to not let Desmond off the island.

CNBC reports the strike is over. Thank you LOST.

I won’t be around to post until Sunday. Back to the alma mater Friday and Saturday, then to Pennsyltucky on Sunday.

Edit: I was just surfing the Internet for Best Week Ever’s analysis of last week’s episode of LOST and some asshole posted the Oceanic Six on the G.D. first comment without a spoiler alert. Luckily, I forget who one of the six were.
Ahh. I hate you, internet.

Thoughts on Super Tuesday:

Alabama: Line of the night. Huckabee’s “I’m rollin’ with the Tide.” Too bad he only won S.E.C. schools. (He did make a reference to the Nittany Lions though. Sort of.)

Alaska: C’mon, please get done already with the G.O.P. It’s taking foreeeevvvveeerr. 28 percent done? Hurry the frick up! I must also note that Alaska is the only state whose voters pick their candidate on who plans on destroying their state as much as possible. (Edit: Romney can!).

American Samoa: Samoa results!

Arizona: I like how Romney’s best attack from today was McCain couldn’t win the conservative vote in ‘Zona. Too bad Romney couldn’t win anything else.

Barkansas: The only thing Hillary did as First Lady of Alabama was [insert some kind of sexist remark].

California: Of course, the Golden State can’t get it right. I wonder how much closer the California vote would have been without two million early voters, including many before Obama won in Iowa. Why else would eight PERCENT OF THE F$%^ING STATE VOTE FOR A GUY WHO ISN’T IN THE RACE? I say we dock California eight percent of its delegates as a penalty.

Colorado: Rocky Mountains aren’t very high for the Clintons.

Delaware: How are they ever going to figure out how to split the delegates between the three counties?

Democrats Abroad: (Suck)

Georgia: To show how much of a failure Mitt Romney is at life. Mitt has spent $1.16 million for every one delegate he has. Gov. Huckabee has 20 delegates for every $1 million he has. Fail. (Washington Post.)

Idaho: Obama wins 80-15. Pwnage. My favorite county in the country: Clark County, Idaho. Number of democratic primary caucus voters: Six. (N.Y. Times).

Illinois: Obama smoked Hillary in his state, whereas Hillary squeaked by Obama in her state.

Kansas: Rock Chalk Obama.

Assachusetts: Shut up, polls. McCain and Barack had no chance.

Minnes0ta: Ron Paul 16 percent!

Missouri: By far, the most interesting state of the night. While the A.P. was busy calling Dewey beats Truman, I called an Obama victory when he was down 30 percent! (Yeah, I also called a N.Y. Giants Super Bowl win). Why? Because St. Louis’ education system is poor and it takes them until Alaska finishes to hand in their countin’. STL + KC + University of Missouri > The Whole State.

Montana: Ron Paul 25 Percent!

Boo Jersey: Once again proving to the country that New Jersey really is just a suburb of New York. They even share senators!

New Mexico: They’ve been stuck on 38 percent (48-48 tie) for the past hours. Boo!

New York State: has a senator who doesn’t really have a relationship to New York nor does anything for the state. New Yorkers don’t mind.

North Dakota: Has delegates?

Oklahoma: Edges out California for the award for Most People Who Think John Edwards Is Still A Candidate.

Tennessee: Apparently, there’s night-time tornadoes that you can’t see in Tennessee. CNN warns night-time reporters to stay indoors.

Utah: Best State Ever.

West Virginia: I don’t even understand what went on today.

CNN and AP call states too early. N.Y.T. waits forever. Washington Post has the best coverage.

I’ve seen two numbers right now. One has Obama leading the delegates and the other with Clinton. Prediction: Obama sweeps the Beltway next Tuesday.